Time to Mourn

My aunt passed away a few weeks ago, after a long struggle with motor neurone disease. She was an incredible woman and this became more evident the sicker she became. We know she is in a better place, but now we have to deal with a world without her in it. My heart particularly goes out to her husband, children and grandchildren and to my father, her brother. I do not have the right words for how I feel in a time like this, part of you wants to go on, but actually we need to mourn and remember what we have lost so that we can continue. I would like to quote Kris Vallotton who summed it up really well:

“Jesus said, “blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted”. In America we avoid pain at all cost so instead of mourning with those who mourn, we often think it is our job to cheer people up. But mourning and grieving is the road to wholeness and peace. David said, “weeping endures through the night but joy comes in the morning.” Sometimes the “night” is longer than 8 hours; it is the dark season of the soul. In these night seasons it’s important to remember that God is bigger than our pain. If we don’t stuff our pain but allow the process of grieving to bring closure to our lives…the season will change and joy will return.

One more thing; trying to figure out “why” in the midst of our pain, usually leads to wrong answers and bitterness. Not only that, it prolongs the “night” season of mourning.

Sometimes people get “stuck” in grief and they need us to take them by the heart and lead them back to joy. But shutting down mourning prematurely will lead to incomplete healing and chronic heart pain.

Love NEVER fails!”    Kris Vallotton (kvministeries.com)

About week ago, I woke up and looked out my window, only to find a dense fog. My daughter had to go to Forest School (which means 2 hours outdoors) and the temperature was -4 degrees celsius.  Not a good way for me to start my day. I stressed even before I had my requisite cup of coffee. I am from South Africa, I grew up in warm weather and sunshine. Winter meant a brollie and a fleece, in temperatures in the mid teens. I start to dread winter in the UK almost as soon as the summer starts. Waking up to -4 is not a good start for me. In fact, I could quite happily hibernate for 3 months every year.

A little while later, however, I dropped my daughter of in the forest and saw that it wasn’t merely fog that had greeted me, but a freezing fog, which means that as the water touch any surface, they freeze. So 30 minutes later, my son and I ventured out into the freezing weather. It was too beautiful not too! The area around our apartment had been transformed into a crystal palace. It was enchanting. While out in this icy scene, I had the thought, “Every season is beautiful in its own way”. I then realised how profound that thought was. My family are facing some pretty big challenges for 2013. It isn’t an easy season up ahead, but if we look closely enough, if we focus on the Source, I am sure we will find that even this season is beautiful in its own way.

Christmas isn’t always an easy time, for many reasons. So as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, I pray you find beauty in the season you are experiencing and that you are blessed abundantly in 2013.

Picking blackberries

Yesterday, we noticed that the first of the season’s blackberries are ready to be picked. It happened so quickly, they were small and green one minute and now they are ready for harvesting.

The trouble with blackberries is that while they are abundant and produce tasty berries, they are covered in thorns and prickles. I think this is a fine example of creation mirroring truth. Often our best fruit comes with thorns. No person is immune to suffering in one form or the other. Life is full of hardships. Surprisingly, these times of hardship are often also our most fruitful. Maybe not at the time itself, when all we can do is hold on with everything we have, but when we look back we can see the blessings along they way. We can see how the experience has helped shape us into the people we are and has given us the skills/empathy or giftings that we needed.

I personally, don’t choose the thorny times, but when they come, I hope that I can take heart in the fact that they will be redeemed and blessings will come from a difficult time.

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”     Romans 5 : 3-5

 ^“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”  Romans 8 : 18

Sacrifice of Praise

^“11 The high priest carries the blood of animals into the Most Holy Place as a sin offering, but the bodies are burned outside the camp. ¹² And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. ¹³ Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore. ¹⁴ For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come.¹⁵ Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise – the fruit of lips that openly profess his name.” Hebrews 13:11-15 NIV

I recently read the blog of someone I know, a 29 year old mother with a 5 month old son and inflammatory breast cancer. It was amazing to read wonderfully uplifting and positive words from someone who has every reason to be angry with God. She continues to keep her eyes on Jesus and to witness to His love and grace. Such an inspiration.

Sometimes worship and praise comes easily. The high points of our lives: the birth of our children, a promotion at work, our wedding day or just when things are going swimmingly well. It is easy to stand and sing, “How great is our God” at those times. At other times, however, that same praise is a sacrifice. It comes at a price. It doesn’t even have to be song, just professing His name in times of trial or even persecution, can be hard enough.

Personally, I experienced this after my miscarriage. I arrived in the UK only to discover at 13 weeks pregnant that my baby had died at about 7 weeks. I was devastated. A week and a half later, I was standing in church singing praises to our good God. It wasn’t easy and my heart continued to break. It was a sacrifice, but it was powerful. I could feel something shift and, of course, I was comforted.

I cannot imagine the road my friend has to walk on, and I know many people have incredibly difficult journeys. Some are short lived, some last a lifetime. In those times, if we can continue to openly profess His name and offer a sacrifice of praise, He will meet us we we are. We will be comforted. Of course, the amazing thing is that if we can’t do it, He will still meet us where we are. We will still be comforted, because His grace and love exceeds anything we can think or imagine.

So why should we offer a sacrifice of praise? Because Jesus went outside the city walls. He suffered humiliation, disgrace, pain and death. All for us. I think if we could actually continually get our minds around that one thought… praise wouldn’t be such a sacrifice after all.

Anthony Gormly sculpture in Winchester Cathedral

The least of these…

I have recently been struck by Matthew 25:31-46 in which Jesus (the Son of Man) separates the sheep from the goats. I have read this many times before, but this time I was deeply convicted.

³⁴ “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

³⁷ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹ When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

⁴⁰ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Matthew 25:34-40

When we lived in South Africa there was so much need around, it was easy to respond to and feel like you were doing your “bit”. It was equally as easy to ignore, and to come up with justifications as to why you didn’t respond to, the need. You could feel satisfied about the fact that you were donating to a Christian charity which helps those less fortunate than yourself, you could tell yourself you were doing “your bit”. Now that we are in the United Kingdom, the same level of need isn’t staring us in the face. We can stay in a very comfortable bubble, contribute to a charity, sponsor an orphan in Africa and pat ourselves on the back for a job well done.

However, Matthew 25 doesn’t let us do that. It is hard hitting and the consequences are eternal. When I read it this time I asked myself what we were doing as a family to help the hungry, needy, sick, imprisoned and the stranger? What I realised was that this verse is incredibly personal. It is about compassion. About recognising people in need around you and responding in a practical, personal way. It is about seeing someone and responding with compassion to their unique situation. It is about seeing Jesus in every person you meet. This is about the attitude of our hearts and the way we live out our lives. It isn’t about handing over cash and the responsibility to someone else, even though supporting charities and sponsoring children is a very valuable thing to do.

I also wonder about how to involve my daughter in practically responding to the needs of others. To help her see the bigger picture and not to be swallowed up into our individualistic, consumerist culture. It would probably be easier if we were still living in South Africa, but I still need to model compassion and response for her. I need live a truly Christian life.

Morning contemplation.

This morning, I was woken up at 4.45am by my baby, who is unwell. So as we set out to take photographs this week, my head was not feeling altogether sharp. The sun was shining, which is always a bonus in the UK, but we had missed the good light. To say I was struggling to find inspiration would be an understatement. I prayed that the Lord would speak to me as we walked along the towpath. The leaf buds are just starting to poke their heads out from the branches, as spring sets in over here. A few people were out walking their dogs. It was a wonderful morning. I was walking along feeling a sense of peace and His presence, but not much photographically.

At the end of the walk, I climbed up a little hill thinking I had finished with the shoot. When I saw that the boat I had been photographing was in a much better position to shoot. I felt the Lord say to me that sometimes we just need a change of perspective. We need to go up to Him and look at the world and our own lives from His perspective. Sometimes we just get stuck where we are, up, close and personal. The questions I am asking Him today are: what situation in my own life needs heaven’s perspective? Where does my outlook need to change?  What are His thoughts on these situations?

Little children come unto me.

I know that the Kingdom of heaven belongs to people that are like little children. I know that simple faith is what is required. I love to hear my daughter pray to Jesus about all manner of things and yet, I am always slightly taken aback when her prayers are answered. This happened recently when she prayed that Jesus would help her find new friends (we have recently moved country and it has taken a while to make in-roads). The answer to her prayer was a formation of a new group and she now has a better social life than I do, she is 4. And a half.

I know all the theory about faith, trust, simple prayers, our father providing all our needs and yet in my heart I feel that I need something more. Something bigger. Maybe longer prayers with more verses quoted or maybe a powerful feeling of the Holy Spirit before my prayers are answered. I think I need a SOZO and certainly I need to do some business with a few spirits (poverty and orphan come to mind).

My own lack of faith has been confronted, not by my daughter’s simple prayers, but rather by God’s ready answers. He values her prayers. He delights in her. She is not less in His eyes and He certainly isn’t waiting for her to grow up. He loves spending time with her and she approaches Him and spends time with Him just as she is, knowing that she is loved and accepted. She will sometimes go to her bedroom and make up songs to Jesus all on her own. I have no idea what these songs are about. She isn’t doing them for us. The Bible is her favourite book, she loves asking questions about Jesus, God, Heaven, you name it. She even made a Valentines card for Jesus! I need to take a leaf out of her book and watch and learn. And pray with expectancy.

And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3

Where were you?

When the cries broke your heart,
I was holding you in my arms.
When you didn’t know what was wrong
I was whispering in your ear.
I comforted your child
When your spirit grew weak.
I surrounded you with friends
when the isolation was too much to bear.
When you needed comfort
I covered you with your husband’s love.

You were never alone,
I was always with you.

Spacious Place

“He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.” – Psalm 18:19

At the moment, I wouldn’t say that I am in a “spacious place”. In fact, I feel hemmed in, both socially and physically. The winter has been long and dark, our flat is small and crowded and, while I have many wonderful friends, the culture I am living in feels repressive and sometimes incredibly miserable. I am not in the sunny, open, smiling country that I am used to living in. I have at times been both depressed and distressed.

It is sometimes hard to hear God when we are in a “cramped place”, when we feel hemmed in with no options, no vision and no freedom. It is easy to lose faith, focus and hope. We can’t see the wood for the trees because we have trees right up against our noses!

I find the Psalms at these times really helpful, as well as the counsel of friends who have been through the mill themselves and understand where we are. They can provide support, friendship, counsel and prayer. All very valuable things.

Remembering previous times of trial and how God brought us out of these times is also crucial for our own faith. When God is involved the rescue it is often exciting, miraculous and amazing in the His attention to the detail of our situation. “Jesus love is very wonderful” as the children’s song goes. He delights in us and delights in bringing us into our “spacious place”.

I don’t know when I will be rescued from the current situation I find myself in, but remembering the past, hearing the testimonies of others and reading the Bible are going a long way in strengthening my faith until I am brought into a spacious place once again.

Crown of Thorns

“and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head. They put a staff in his right hand and knelt in front of him and mocked him.” Matthew 27:29

I found the above old dry branch 5 years ago in the Cedarberg mountains. It’s beauty struck me and I picked it up and took it back to the cottage. I have kept it with me on my mantlepiece, always planning to photograph its stark and weathered lines. This week I finally did and no matter how I tried I just couldn’t shoot my usual close up macro shot. It didn’t work. The branch needed to be shown in its entirety. While I was photographing it the words “crown of thorns” came into my head.

Now when I look at it I am reminded of Christ’s sacrifice for us. The Message version of Isaiah 53 says:  ”But it was our sins that did it to him, that ripped and tore and crushed him – our sins! He took the punishment that made us whole, through his bruises we get healed.” I don’t often reflect on the unbelievable pain that he endured for us. The humiliation and shame that he faced. The Passion of the Christ burnt into my mind a picture of the crown of thrown being pushed down onto Jesus’ head, but only when I think about it.

What amazing loving and sacrifice that he should endure that all for me. Not only for my salvation, but also that I might be made whole.

Feel the reins in my hand.

Should I risk the path of service,

Release my needs to the will of an other?

Reach into festering humanity.

Give up my wine for daily bread?

He freely walked into hard-baked agony.

Knelt in the sewers of society.

Carried other’s burdens in torn flesh.

Bled into the cup of victory.

Will I trust His perfect sacrifice

and let Him change my life?